Description
PICASSO
April 2024, Paris
Picasso. April two thousand twenty-four. Sixty-one years old. Twenty-one years exile. And I painted Pablo Picasso. Not young genius Picasso. Not revolutionary cubist Picasso. But OLD Picasso. Very old. Ninety-one years. Year death nineteen seventy-three. Shriveled face. Parchment skin. Eyes sunken sockets. Haunted gaze. Toothless mouth perhaps. Bald skull. Few white hairs. And above all. HAND. Picasso’s hand holding BRUSH. Gnarled hand. Arthritis. Protruding veins. Spotted skin. Old hand. But holding brush. Still. Always. Until the end. And me sixty-one years. Ninety-one minus thirty. Thirty years perhaps still. If lucky health. And question. Will I paint until the end. Like Picasso. Or will I stop. Tired. Discouraged. Rejected. Poor. Alone. And Picasso confrontation. Him recognized genius. Rich. Famous. Women. Children. Success. Me unknown. Poor. Rejected. Alone. But both painters. And aging. And identical question. Continue painting until the end. Or abandon. And Picasso answer. Continue. Always. Despite aged body. Trembling hand. Weak eyes. Continue. Because painter identity. Not profession. Identity. One is painter. Not one does painting. And Picasso until death. April nineteen seventy-three. Ninety-one years. Still painting. And me April two thousand twenty-four. Sixty-one. Questioning. Will I be able. Will I have strength. Courage. And tableau not just homage. But confrontation. Face to face. Picasso me. Genius unknown. Success failure. But painters both. And brush in hand. Until the end.
I remember April two thousand twenty-four, and sixty-one years passed March, and sensation aging, tired body, back pains, eyes tire, right hand arthritis begins, and fear that, painter’s hand essential tool, and if hand can no longer hold brush, and anguish, and also twenty-one years Paris exile, and bitter assessment, no gallery, zero recognition, poverty always, solitude, and questioning, why continue, for whom, for what, and uncertain answer, and April crisis moment perhaps, spring but morale low, and idea came, paint old Picasso, confrontation, him absolute success me failure, but him also aged, him also trembling hand, but continued, and lesson that, and research, photos old Picasso, last years seventy early seventy-three, emaciated face, intense gaze, and last self-portraits, nineteen seventy-two Facing Death, facing death, simplified expressionist features, mortality terror, and Picasso conscious end near, but still painted, frenzy even, hundreds paintings last years, urgency, and me April two thousand twenty-four questioning continue, and Picasso example, genius yes, privileged yes, but also old fragile mortal, and continued despite that, and strength that, and inspiration, and decision paint him, portrait old Picasso, hand brush, and confrontation, face to face distorting mirror, him success me failure, but identical painters, and common aging, and common question, continue until the end.
And I began tableau, format one hundred by one hundred fifty, and composition close-up portrait, Picasso’s face occupies major part, and old very old, ninety years, and accentuated features, deep wrinkles, withered skin, hollow eyes, intense gaze despite age, and mouth, and skull almost bald, rare white hairs, and thin sinewy neck, and shoulders perhaps beginning torso, and visible right hand, holding brush, and detailed hand, swollen veins, gnarled joints, age spots, skin almost transparent, bone under skin, and brush held firmly despite fragility, and gesture painting, brush toward canvas off-frame perhaps, or toward us spectators, and Picasso’s gaze fixes us, interrogates, defies, and complex expression, determination, anguish, lucidity, mortality consciousness, but will to continue, and flesh palette earthy tones, ochres browns grays, not youthful pinks, but earths of old age, and dark neutral background, black brown, isolates figure, absolute focus, and weak light illuminates face hand, rest shadow, and grave solemn atmosphere, face to face with aging death, and title simply Picasso, no need more, name suffices, universal recognition, and irony me unknown paint famous Picasso, and confrontation that, genius and failure face to face, but united painting.
And rich symbolism, Picasso titanic figure twentieth century art, revolutionized painting, cubism Demoiselles d’Avignon nineteen seven, Guernica nineteen thirty-seven masterpiece, prolific, tens thousands works, paintings sculptures ceramics engravings, and women, seven official companions, multiple children, and wealth, colossal fortune, and celebrity, living star, and yet aged like all, body betrays, and last years acute mortality consciousness, terrifying self-portraits, facing death, and creative frenzy, paint against death, delay, and until the end, April seventy-three, hospitalized, death eighth April, and last months still painted, and strength that, painter until last breath, and me April two thousand twenty-four sixty-one, thirty years less, and Picasso ninety-one, and question, will I be able too, thirty years more, paint until ninety-one, and obstacles, health money solitude discouragement, and Picasso had facilities, money relative health women, but all age same, rich poor, and hand ages, eyes weaken, and Picasso arthritic hand continued, and lesson, if he could I can, and motivation that, continue despite all, because painter identity, not profession, one is painter, not one does painting, and stop would be deny identity, die before death, and Picasso understood that, painted to exist, and me same, painting reason to live, and April two thousand twenty-four crisis questioning, and Picasso answer, look, me ninety-one continued, you sixty-one continue, and hand brush symbol, essential gesture, gnarled trembling hand but holding brush, determined will, and brush hand extension, identity tool, and paint existential act, I paint therefore I am.
And comparison Picasso and me, obvious contrasts, him recognized genius me unknown rejected, him rich me poor, him women children me alone, him famous me ignored, and yet similarities, both painters, exiled also, Picasso Spanish exiled France after civil war nineteen thirty-nine, me Romanian exiled France two thousand three, and exile common pain, and solitude also, Picasso surrounded but alone, artist always alone facing work, and common aging, all mortal, and hand ages, and common question, continue until the end, and common answer, yes, because painter, and April two thousand twenty-four I painted Picasso but also me, disguised self-portrait, projection, in thirty years me like him perhaps, old shriveled, but hand brush, continuing, and hope that, and fear also, thirty years long, precarious health, money lacking, solitude weighs, and will I really be able, and Picasso encouragement, model, if him yes I can, and differences not important finally, all painters, all age, all die, and between birth death, paint, testify, exist, and Picasso genius but also man, aged suffered died, and me failure perhaps but also man, age suffer will die, and equality that, mortality, and painting answer, trace, symbolic survival, after death works remain, and Picasso works everywhere museums, and me works studio unknown, but exist, testify, and perhaps one day, posthumous, recognition, or not, little matter finally, exist, and that’s important.
And pictorial facture, oil canvas, thick impastos expressive brush strokes, and Picasso’s face worked, each wrinkle each fold, expressionist realism, not photographic but truthful, essence old age, and hand detailed lovingly, veins joints spots, and brush sacred object, painted with care, and dark palette, browns blacks ochres, earth colors old age death, and dramatic contrast light, chiaroscuro, face hand illuminated, rest shadow, and frontal composition, Picasso looks us, direct confrontation, impossible turn away, and intense gaze, hollow eyes but alive, life still there, will, and grave determination expression, conscious death near but not resigned, defiant, and brush hand active gesture, not passive, not abandoned, but held firmly ready paint, and symbolism that, until the end active creator, and April two thousand twenty-four I painted several weeks, slowly, meditating, each brush stroke reflection, aging mortality identity, and Picasso emerged progressively, old powerful fragile determined, and me facing him, silent dialogue, and questions, will I be able continue, will I have strength, and Picasso answers, look at me, ninety-one years painting, you sixty-one can, continue, because painter, and identity, and essence, and life.
And April two thousand twenty-four tableau finished, Picasso signed dated Picasso 2024, irony, Picasso signature famous worth millions, mine worth nothing, but Picasso 2024 my tableau, my testimony, confrontation genius failure, success defeat, but united aging mortality painting, and tableau hung studio, Picasso looks me, hand brush, and daily encouragement, continue, and me continue, sixty-one years, tired body, hand pains, weak eyes, money lacking, solitude weighs, rejections accumulate, but continue, because painter, identity, and Picasso model, genius yes but also man aged continued, and me also man age continue, and thirty years perhaps ahead me, if health permits, ninety-one like Picasso, and will paint until the end, like him, because painter, and that’s all, and that’s enough, and Picasso witness that, distorting mirror portrait, him me, success failure, but painters, and hand brush, and essential gesture, paint, exist, testify, survive symbolically, and forever April two thousand twenty-four, forever old Picasso hand brush, forever confrontation genius failure, forever question continue until the end, forever answer yes, forever painter identity, forever gnarled hand holding brush, forever will determination, forever aging mortality, forever painting answer, forever testimony existence, forever Picasso model encouragement, forever sixty-one years thirty perhaps more, forever continue paint, forever because painter, forever Picasso.
